Category: A View from the Soapbox

Middleist [noun, Thelmese] — not a leftist or a rightist.   “Centrist” sounds too exact, too specific, too limiting.  Just a middleist — caught in between, hovering in what currently seems to be a no-man’s land, drowning in (un)common sense, yet neither side will reach out a hand.

Some things seem like basic human principles:  respect life (i.e. don’t kill anyone and treat others with kindness); respect people and their property; respect people’s choices..so long as they don’t impinge on the rights of others; respect people’s differences (we are not all clones of some “perfect” construct; rather, we are each unique and perfectly individual selves);  respect people’s right to disagree; respect people’s abilities to contribute to overall society; respect competition as it encourages us to strive to be our best selves; respect people’s strengths (again, we are not all the same); share when able; respect one another as contributing citizens of the world and expect one another to indeed contribute to the world; reward productivity (for without it, nothing will be produced and we are all doomed); care for those who are truly less able…but let them share in the ways that they are able; protect one another from misfortune and evil; admire winning as an expression of skills but not as an exertion of power;  live, let live, prosper; share and encourage prosperity.

Somewhere, in between the extremes of insanity, the “rightist” and “leftist”, there is the middleist.  I am the middleist.  Proudly, unapologetically.

What ever happened to learning via “natural consequences” and “logical consequences”? Somewhere along the line, despite loud proclamations from the general public that people have a right to choose, our choices are being taken away from us — and with our tacit permission. Once upon a time, people experienced the results of their actions and learned what does and does not work well. Moms would tell kids the stove was hot and tried to make it difficult to reach the burners, but if the unruly child burned his finger, he learned pretty quickly that touching the hot stove was … well, dumb!!

Much as we might like to save our loved ones and proteges from painful experiences, often those occasions present the best opportunity for learning and growth, And we need a bit of an ouch now and then to build the resilience that will serve to protect us when the going gets rough — much like scar tissue provides a barrier.

When babies venture forth to take their first steps, they are wobbly and subject to plopping down. (And nature has provided them with a bit of natural padding to soften those plops a bit.) If the baby is always totally supported, finding his balance will be frightening and difficult. It is that shaky step that allows him to learn the limits. Someday he will need to be able to walk alone, so he has to try it out and improve.

Somehow our society (in that “dumbing down of America”, perhaps?) has taken the position that we all need to be protected from ourselves. We have waged such a battle against bacteria that we now kill the good bacteria that our immune systems need to strengthen our ability to fight off infection. We protect people from the consequences of their actions so they don’t learn how to make sound choices. And, pursuant to that, we have somehow come to believe that everything must be the fault of something or someone else. We are led to believe that, if we commit an unconscionable act, it cannot be because we made a bad choice. It must be the bartender’s fault if I drink too much and harm someone. It must be the teacher’s fault if I get a bad grade in school. It must be the other guy’s fault if I lose my temper and slug him. It would, of course, never be my fault that I decided to drink to excess, not study, and/or allow that guy to provoke me.

Our society has begun to legitimize bad behavior by naming it. What would once upon a time have been considered extremely rudeness and (yes!) stupidity while driving, is now “road rage”, something to which one can aspire. Think about the adjectives that are employed today to describe desirable things — “bad” and “sick”. Temptation has been present in the world for eons, but we were taught to resist it. There were shared societal expectations that people would respect authority, show kindness to others, take the “high road”. Where have those values gone, and how do we get them back?

Start with those baby steps. Provide protection, but allow for consequences. Foster opportunities for learning, growth, and accepting responsibility. Cherish choices, and support the positive ones. What have I learned from this particular choice? What might I have done differently? Start the dialogue. Lead by example. Strive for good. Embrace the Golden Rule.

Finding matching socks. “What’s your secret?”, asks a friend. “Well, buying new ones works for awhile! (But, upon sorting through a sizable accumulation of socks that had been mateless for a looong time, it was quite exciting to find three pairs that had been eluding me!!) Actually, I have found that, because of products being made all over the world and, therefore, inconsistently from country to country, it is possible to buy five pairs of the same brand and style of socks from the same store but at different times and find that when they are separated from their mates and later reunited, they do not match the other “same” socks.

Somehow the world-revolves-around-me syndrome has become prevalent in modern society. Currently we are living in a world which individual people believe revolves around them and their particular circumstances. No assimilation, no accommodation. One-size-fits-all means “my size” because if it’s good for me it must also be good for you.

Interestingly, when the agency I worked for began to implement electronic health records, the format was different for each section. Some areas used narratives; some used bullet points; others used drop-down menus; still others used checkboxes. When I was scratching my head one day about this odd phenomenon, my husband (a techie) explained it to me. “It’s simple,” he said. “They distribute the various sections to their various programmers to complete. Each programmer has his/her own preferences. Some like narratives, some drop-down menus, etc. Therefore, each section of the document is created to reflect the preferences of the particular programmer involved.” Hmmmmm….. Well, that does explain a lot. The fact that each programmer tackled the task according to his/her own preferences without consulting with other programmers to team up to make the product consistent for the user further underscores a trend towards isolation and away from teamwork.

How do we reclaim those societal mantras from the past? E.g. the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” seems to have been replaced by “Do unto to others and run!” How do we look for the intrinsic value in a deed or decision rather than considering only what benefits me? Taking care of only myself makes it a lonely world indeed.

This has been my rant. Please share with me your feelings. Together we can grow. Together we can make a difference.

What is ever actually “known”? Can two people standing side by side share the exact same experience?

While absolutes may work for a checkbox digital world, humanity is so much more complex. Consider the age-old dilemmas: good vs evil; right vs wrong; “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”; “zero tolerance”… Where we once approached situations from the perspective of a continuum that included choices, extenuating circumstances, relative good, relative harm, and unique blends of characteristics and possibilities, we now seem to be faced so often with the limitations of an array of checkboxes, finite in nature, unyielding, with no opportunity to adapt a response according to the surrounding variables. Is the universe somehow preparing us for the governance by Artificial Intelligence? The digitalization of today’s world is unsettling. People are being bred to accept the list of checkbox options provided. And who gets to supply that list? Whose agenda does it serve? What has happened to the freedom to choose, to explore, to hypothesize, to create? How do we ever expand our horizons? Break free of our limits and shackles?

Instead of looking for the answers, we need to be asking the questions, playing with nuance, creating new recipes for life. Growing! Thriving!

Join me in not joining me! Disagree! Argue! Bring your passion! Find yourself! Be you own list! Perhaps we will find some commonality, perhaps not. Embrace our overlaps, but celebrate our separateness!

The universe is too vast to be stuck in a small corner. Live! Love! Be!